As we are slowly headed to the end of this year’s “crazy ride”,
it makes me think of something I once heard.
Some people live their lives as one would ride carousal. Moving
softly at a steady pace up down, around and around. Most spending ones entire
life running around in circles. A continuous cycle that constantly repeats
itself with comfort and the knowledge that change will never be an issue as one
lives life the same. Year after year same path walked and few things change.
These people are unaware of other “rides” outside their atmosphere. A lot of people like carousel. The fear of the
unknown is mighty strong and scary (I know this, I speak from past experience).
Other people (such as us) live their lives as one would ride
a roller roaster. Up, up we climb striving for success and all that we dreamed
of having throughout life. Knowing with each click of your seat, you’re getting
higher to your goal. This path is intense, heck we want to enjoy the hell out
of our lives.
Suddenly, the bottom
drops out and you’re forced into this fast motion race with many turns (some
are in the dark), loops and upside down suspense. Gripping the reins until your
knuckles are turning white…we hold on for dear life.
I received a call back from me doctor. Great news! Both biopsies
came back negative. No cancer, yeah!!!
I will honestly confess that having the thought of possibly
having cancer forced me to revalue my entire outlook on life, including the way
I live it.
Now knowing that I am cancer free, I want to begin moving
forward again to the point where I am
hopeful of my dreams of becoming a mother with my Kevin some day.
I realized that I am
looking at this journey, my life, cock eyed. Anger constantly fills my daily
life.
Last night was Kevin and my three year wedding anniversary.
We celebrated by going to an amazing bistro in down town San
Diego for dinner. We began in the bar lounge to enjoying
a bottle of wine we brought with us in toasting to another each of craziness, laughs
and struggles. Being Halloween night,
all parents grandparents, kids of ALL AGES
were out trick or treating at all the local restaurants and shops where we were
enjoying our special night. An hour into the festivities the sidewalk and the
entrance to our restaurant were packed with excited trick or treaters. I couldn’t
help but to fill overwhelmed with envy, joy and sadness. With every baby and
child that tried their darndest to speak those famous words” Trick or Treat”, my
eyes filled with tears.
The never ending string of wanting to become a mother tugged
at me so hard, it took all I had not to fall apart in front of Kevin and a room
full of complete strangers. It was when I looked into Kevin’s eyes he then knew
what it was that was distracting me. He immediately
asked our hostess to relocate us in a more secluded area where we could have a
little more private time. After we moved to our table, Kevin and I talked about
our journey through surrogacy, adoption and where we would we like to see ourselves
next year? To sum it up, one word, “hopeful”.
We awoke this morning to receive awesome news. We received
an email from Anjani stating that our fifth egg transfer had taken place. Five
embryos total, 3: A & 2: B into one new surrogate. Testing will be done
fifteen days from today. He wished us all the best.
Yes the anticipation is back into effect. Please wish us
luck with our transfer. We will keep you posted when we receive word regarding
the test results.
Until then, be well and enjoy your ride. Whichever one you
are on, live it well without fear or regrets.
Love,
Kevin and Angie
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