Past.."what if"?

It is 11/11/12 and I cant help but think....Soooo what if?

I had just spent the past two hours talking to my sister(Crystal) about her family that resides raising two kids of their own. We both spoke about what our upbringing was and how we reflect upon it. I for one being the oldest, had a wider range on how our lives played out. While my dad and Step mom took on a few years of responsibly to raise us at such a young age, I wonder if our biological mom ever had doubts about another woman raising us? Or if she made the right choice to let us go?? I don't know, nor do I ever feel the need to ask. What's done is done..we create our own destiny. I'm simply wondering..

 I cant help but feel envy and anger all at once. While most American women are borderline to answer "I raise and support my child(ren) on my own", or others that fall upon the cliche that our tax paying money has raised their/our own kids, on government support  is right or wrong? I recently voted for laws and a future to help better our child(ren) future and livelihood.

What I've tried to do is focus on the now, rather than future. I don't know what will become of of future as America? Nor do I know what will become of Kevin and I as parents? 

I do know that I, being the oldest of six know that it is trial and error that creates our future.

Being the oldest I want to know that I will be able to create and direct God's given soul to "us" to love, mold and raise above all else that I know.

Today is the 11th. On the 15th Kevin and I will find out if we are/ or not parents yet again.

Please pray for us and our child(ren). 

I'm at a cross roads as to how I need to approach the up coming year.Am I to be a mother?
If not this time,do I choose to speak about retrying surrogacy all over again? Or do I speak about adoption??? 

Do you remember back in the eighties, when "The Cosby Show" had the little girl explain to Dr. Huxtable that babies come from heaven in a line by stork's"? Well, I do. I remember it so vividly. Perhaps I was meant to understand the meaning behind it due to my future. Or it just stuck with me until now? Who knows?

I do know that there is a child in our kingdom that is meant to be blessed to Kevin and I. 

I don't want to give up until God says it's time.

For those of you that DON'T believe everything in our life (good or bad) happens for a reason....IT DOES!~~~

Until then....Kevin and I are so super nervous and excited we can barely handle it!!!!