About a week and a half ago we received word that the pregnancy test was negative. The day we heard the news, might have been one of the saddest days of my life. As we read the email from Dr.Samit, I read it twice more to let it sink in. We both became emotional and held each other for what seemed like forever. The next few days following played in slow motion. We functioned like zombies at work and home. We were in shock and filled with so much sadness. If tears could built a road to Heaven we would have fallen on our knees and asked the Lord to please give us love, give us our baby.
We were so sure that we were going to become pregnant this time. There was no doubt. We were talking about names, books to buy, headset and care package to send to our surrogate…sports he would play. Where the bassinet would be placed.... we agreed it would be right next to my side of the bed. We got too far a head of ourselves. We know the chances of IVF. But nothing or anyone can prepare you for a loss. When it takes a lifetime of challenge and hell to get to surrogacy then to only lose the first time…it sucks. It’s a beginning of life that we are trying so hard to create, that becomes so difficult to push through at times.
Needless to say, it doesn’t necessarily mean the highest grade of embryos is the best chance of pregnancy.
We have spoken a few times to Lexi and Dr.Samit a few times since our testing. We are going through a new surrogate woman and will begin our next implant in thirty to forty five days. It takes this long to prepare a new surrogate to prepare for implantation. They need to get her on birth control to stop her period. Next, give her the fertility shots to insure the endometrium wall (the cells that line the uterus “the womb”) is ready for implantation. Continuous progress checks are made on the surrogate each week. Usually the day before implantation, the unfreezing of our seven cryogenic embryos (Cryogenic: low temperature freezing using liquid nitrogen) will begin. This process requires several steps. First step is to thaw the embryos at room temperature. Next soak them in solution to wash away the liquid used to preserve them in. Then warm them to body temperature. There are risks to the embryos during the thawing processes to the implantation.
If the embryos survive this process they will begin to develop at the same rate and have the same potential as fresh natural occurring embryos. There have been thousands of healthy babies born to the unthawing process and implantation of IVF. I read several articles that read embryos are only good cryogenically frozen for up to ten years. However, there is an interesting article I just read a few days ago on a website: “City of
Baby Born from 20
Year Old Frozen Embryo
I thought the short story was amazing.
So does this second chance give us hope, yes! Do I think I lost it in the first place? I might have. But I think that is natural. I think intended parents should be able to grieve the loss, no matter how far along you are in the pregnancy.
As a matter of fact, I finally told my family about our loss last night. The questions and excitement from each person became unbearable. For the past several weeks we have been telling family and friends that we haven’t heard anything. I’m horrible at hiding my emotions from people let alone tell a lie. So, I had to tell them the truth. They were very quiet after we told them. But they did surround us with hugs tons of love. They told us to stay positive, keep the faith and they will pray for us.
Each day is a new day. We have gone through the emotions of being numb to the pain, to sadness, to anger, to questioning with doubt. The past few days feel as though we are moving forward with our positive hopes of becoming parents one day.
Until then, we will keep praying. We will keep our faith and remind ourselves that everything happens for a reason. God will provide when He knows it’s the right time. I pray that we keep strong and push through this together.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:13
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