Deciding to Become Parents

It was shortly after we got married that Kevin and I began speaking of starting a family. After several long months of debating, sleepless nights and a string full of emotions, we finally decided that we were ready to become parents. It was March 9, 2010 we had an appointment to see a fertility doctor to discuss our options for IVF. Please keep in mind our health insurance covered nothing pertaining to infertility. Our consultation fee was $250.00. After we were handed a packet of information and prices, the doctor discussed what IFV is and how it works. We were then turned over to a “financial manager” to discuss financial options that “make fertility treatment affordable". Let me tell you what we were not prepared to hear. When we were given the breakdown this is what we got:
For Kevin:
· Semen testing
·Pre-cycle lab work –to check fertility mobility and if any type of infectious disease was present.
·Administration fees
Both Ladies:
·Egg donor and agency fee and program fee
·Gestational carrier (surrogate) and agency fee, and program fee
·Pre-cycle lab work including basic screening lab for infectious diseases etc.
·Culture analysis
·mock cycle
·Administered medication pre and post- retrieval and implantation (depending on any UN for seen issues)
·Local anesthesia for egg retrieval
·Freezing of embryo storage including insurance fee
·Pregnancy monitoring following the first pregnancy test.
At the end of the day we were looking at a totally of $62,000.00-$79,500.00.
Cost varied depended on how many cycles we needed. Let me mention if there are twins or triplets, tack on another $10,000.00 to $15,000.00 to that. If by our third attempt we were unsuccessful, we would need to start the process over again. Yes folks, these figures are a true fact.  Then add in additional cost for every doctor visit the surrogate goes to, vitamins, food(s), medication if needed, leave of work (if pregnancy becomes too much for the surrogate mother), and of course the delivery of the baby(s). Who knows how much more that would be?
An hour later Kevin and I walked out of the clinic with our heads hung low and tears in our eyes. We were just handed the slim fact becoming parents were looking very bleak.

I then spent the next following day researching and reading tons of articles that pertained to adoption. Again, not realizing how much goes into this process. Not only am I referring to the amount of money to adopt, but the emotional and physical aspect is so challenging and frustrating. I was informed that it could take up to seven years for us to receive a baby. There are several screenings Kevin and I would need to go through. Such as thorough background checks for criminal, DMV and government. We would be interviewed. Our family would physically be interviewed. Our employer would be contacted and interviewed. Friends and neighbors interviewed. Once that is clear, we are then able to be become eligible to be accepted" into an adoption agency. Once we are members of an agency, we begin with the process of interviews, paperwork and pictures and videos to keep in our file. Just in hopes that the birth mother will pick us from five other couples as an option. Every state in the U.S.has their own unique legal requirements for the voluntary and involuntary ending of birth parents rights, so there are at approximately 50 different laws for involuntary ending parental rights. After the baby has been born some states allow a birth mother to voluntarily end her rights immediately after the birth and other states allow the ending of these rights only after the passage of 1-3 days, or 15-21 days, 30 days, or more. Depending on the age of the birth mother and the circumstances involved, some states even require a birth mother to appear in court before her parental rights can be ended. Again, every state is different. Each state has its own waiting period. Sometimes the birth parent(s) change their mind.They want to keep the child. Perhaps have a family member help raise the child. Or the birth parents can change the adoptive parents from one to another at the last minute. The idea of knowing what we would possibly be getting into with adoption made us put this choice aside. We couldn’t accept the possibility of falling in love with a baby as we watch his life grow. Only to have that gift of life be taken away from us.To have all the love, hopes and dreams be torn away from us faster then our hearts could take, we cant fathom. The idea our dream of becoming parents isn't at this time worth the risk of loosing hope forever... was just too much. We couldn’t bare the thought. I couldn’t, and still can’t imagine how we would try to find the strength to try it. Knowing that our baby we already loved wouldn’t ever come home with us? What a horrible reality for anyone that may or has had to face. Life has a cruel way of putting twists and turns on such a special thing of becoming parents. Trying to become a pregnant yourself through adoption or through surrogacy, it’s a gift that only God knows when or if it’s right for us.