Europe Is More Than You Dream Of....

Here are a few photos of us in Paris and Rome..

Moving slowly...but surely

Just got word from Lexi that Angel has signed her contract with KIC. Now we need to get Kevin on a schedule to India to "donate," then KIC will be able to provide Angel with a schedule to travel on.  Can you believe this..so surreal!! We are currently in Paris and having the time of our lives. It is so much more than what you see in movies. My goodness, we are blessed.
Because we are in Europe, Kevin can not start his process requesting an Indian visa right away. You see, in order to get an Indian visa, his passport will need to be mailed out along with the necessary paperwork as a "TOURIST VISA.....NOT A MEDICAL VISA" in to India's consulate in the United States. And since we are traveling here in Europe, he needs his passport. So, the request for India's visa will be a bit delayed. O, did I tell you that he needs to go to China for business within the two weeks of being within USA and India?? Yes,  not only is it a travel visa to India we need, but we need to add more pages to Kevin's passport for travel from USA to China, to India, back to China. Yes, my huby travels quite a bit. AND YES, I need to Woo-saaa....it will all work out..I have faith...and hope!

It Could Happen….

It was August 6^th we began what has now been many pleasant conversations regarding our plans towards our future. We are so happy with KIC thus far. Dr.Samit Sekhar and our case manager Anjani have been wonderful answering every question and concern we have at any time of the day. We recently have been given an awesome case manager here in the United States, Alexis Thomas. She called us the other day to introduce herself. She told us about how she became involved with KIC and how happy she was to begin working with us. I knew right away I was going to love working with her. She immediately sent us several profiles of Caucasian and Indian egg donors to review. Kevin and I reviewed each one inside and out. We decided to go with an Indian egg donor. You wonder why? Well..you see, I was raised to believe that all are created equal. I don’t see color when I meet someone. I don’t see ethnicity when I become friends with people. It’s us as humans that put the “label” on ourselves when living our lives according to the way we do. BUT that’s another Oprah…

I accepted several years ago that I will love the baby that God choices for me. It isn’t about what others think. I could give a damn what other think. Until the day those casting stones walk in my shoes and know what this life feels like, I don’t want your opinion or preaching to be given to me. Let me tell ya something, yes there are several out there that have spoken their opinion.  I had to grow thick skin to educate, converse and reject the harsh thoughts that come with my infertility and choose of ethnicity.

As for Kevin, he too was in agreeance with an Indian egg donor. We had our donor chosen and extremely excited to take the first steps towards our family. That’s when both sides of our family got involved.

First let’s start with my side of the family. There was much hesitation upon the idea of a half Indian child,  but in the end everyone supported us on our Indian egg donor...so we thought.
Next, Kevin called his parents to tell them that we were moving forward with starting our family. We have our egg donor, and she is Indian. There were several people that were very nervous and extremely on edge about this whole thing. They was concerned for us. The concern was, when we do go out in public with our child, what would society think?  What would our community, friends and family think? The next concern was the child. How were we to explain to the child that he or she looks different then us? How were we to counsel our child when other kids at school make fun of him or her when the parents are white? And then there were those that didn't speak their mind too much about this process. We got the "you need to watch out for this and that.... and be careful for....", suggestions. Over all most had trusted our judgement.

The difference between our family is, mine had to watch me struggle through this battle of illness my entire life. They were next to me, there for me, seen it all. Struggled with me. My mom, dad, sisters and brothers know my challenges and my hopes to one day become a mother.

 Then there is Kevin’s family. Unfortunately they are not educated about infertility or what it’s like to go through the motions of pain, frustration and hope..and possibly accepting other options of becoming a parent.
When Kevin told me there were those in his family that questioned us about our decision to do surrogate instead of adoption again we both became frustrated needless to say. That is when we decided to send an in depth email to both our parents that explained why we choose surrogacy, not adoption. The email informed them how surrogacy will hopefully lead us to a baby. We too attached several surrogacy links and forums for our parents review. For us, we thought surrogacy in its entirety and knew we were making the right decision. We thought this was too much to explain over the phone and email would be more informative. We wanted our parents to take the time to read, review and absorb the facts of surrogacy and to hopefully process of our future.

It was two weeks later we were at my moms house for dinner. Again, we were discussing our decision about our donor and what others thought about it. That is when my brother said to us” you guys, put this in Gods hands. Give it a month. If you still feel the same about your egg donor, then do it. Don’t let any of our opinions mislead you”. That was what we needed to hear. BUT..my mother had admitted that she thinks that going caucasionrather then Indian would be in everyones best interest. I know both our parents are "old school", I just dont understand how the lines of human nature and love become so refined to those that have these opions.

  I must say that we did have Kevin's sister and brother in law to turn to. They have been super supportive of all our decisions thus far. I think on how difficult and long Kevin has had to gradually understand and except our future family situation. I think his sister has given him a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen to. She is a great person with a kind soul. She has grown up in our time era where this has become more common then one would think. AND she comes with medical background..yes she is a nurse. We can talk to her and her husband about anything and everything, they will never judge us. They will only give suggestions if they think we need the guidance. My gosh how I wish we lived closer to them.

Around a month later Kevin came to me and said he did a lot of thinking and wanted to change our donor to Caucasian. He did agreed with most of our family. He thought it would be too hard on our child’s life down the road to question his.her life and color. He wanted to try to have our child look more like us so the questions wouldn’t come too early in his/hers life. I said okay. This is my husbands choose and I respect it. As much as I wanted to shout out loud that it doesn't matter..a life is a life, I let it go and accepted his choice.

We began looking at all the Caucasian egg donor. There were so many we were looking at so many looked promising. Toward the end of the week, I was confusing donor's  A,D,H,J all together. Kevin said “okay, I will choose my #1 pick, and then you choose next week”. I agreed.

Wouldn’t you know it, we choose the same egg donor. We will call her Angel. We immediately contacted Lexi, our case worker and asked her if Angel was available to begin early January and if so how do we “reserve” her? I know reserve is so…weird when you think about it, but that is what it comes down to. Within one day Lexi said Angel was available and was extremely excited to be apart of our journey.

We were told by KIC that in order for us to have Angel available to us, we would need to put down the initial down payment. So, Kevin and I went to our bank on October 24^th and wired KIC our down payment. Man, let me tell you how crazy scared we were. I had a panic attach and Kevin broke out in hives all over his head and neck, true story! We were taking our first step to become parents!!

Europe...really??

So Kevin came home tonight and surprised me. He told me since we are about to start our family, we take one final big bang trip. He said he was making my dreams come true..we are goi9ng to Paris and Rome for Thanksgiving weekend.
OMG..can this month get any better??? I am so overwelmed with emotion that I am with tears of joy!!!!! A family and Europe...my goodnes, I am blessed!!!

Confidence in Making the right choice

About a year after moving to San Diego and adjusting to our new jobs and our new home, we both started to discuss planning a family again. This time we began our research through surrogate blogs. Blogs from couples like us that have gone through the process, in the middle of the process or just beginning their journey in India. We knew what we wanted when we began our process a year prior to moving.
 However like everything else in life, surrogacy too is constantly changing with newer technology and more scientific ideas. After much enlightening information from our fellow bloggers, we quickly realized that the middle man ( an agency) was not necessary. Now I’m not saying that the agencies here in the United States are not worth it, please DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME. Many couples that have gone through agencies are extremely pleased with their experience and the relationship they established. This is why we began our initial step with our chosen agency.
 Looking at this big picture now, it’s all so exhausting and scary…but yes very much worth it. We spent several days interviewing agencies, pushing through continuous research and loosing sleepless nights, we finally have made a discussion.

We began inquiring to several clinics throughout India. We started in the state of Gujarat, to Mumbai, then to Hyderabad. We were comforted with warm welcome and kind reassuring words. Each clinic’s introduction briefly explained how a bit about their facility and their staff. We were emailed the surrogate packages that gave us their program details as well as cost estimates. The costs were broken down with the choose of using one or two gestational surrogate(s). Also if need additional information and estimated cost for an egg donor was available too.  Attached with a few packets were a few previous patients that agreed to share their successful experience with us. After several days chatting with happy parents and discussing their journeys we have chosen to go with Kiran Infertility Center located in Hyderabad.

We feel extremely confident in our choice working with Dr.Samit and his staff at KIC. We are excited and nervous all at once. Yeah…we are slowly starting..here we go!

Please join us and enjoy the link to our clinic:   http://kiranivfgenetic.com/

There Is Hope…

It was the following day after our trip to the clinic when I received a phone call from my sister Crystal and girlfriend Vicki. After hearing about the astronomical cost of surrogacy here in the US, both gals suggested Kevin and I watch a clip from one of Oprah’s shows regarding international Surrogacy in India. Both had explained how many couples from all over the world are traveling to India to make their dream come true. Needless to say I was on the fence with the whole idea of having a baby half way around the world.

One of many informative articles we read and watched all began with this segment on Oprah's show. It moved me more then words can say.To read click on the address below.

From The Oprah Winfrey Show Lisa Ling Investigates: Wombs for Rent

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/world/Wombs-for-Rent/2


Later that evening Kevin and I began watching numerous clips via Internet on outsourcing surrogacy in India. Many intended parents (like us) from around the world told their story. They call their journey the miracle of success. Several couples tell their story of how and why the decided to travel to India. It was a simple answer we related to. We want a valuable solution that wasn’t as expensive as begin in the United States, or several other countries that are extremely expensive for IVF.
 Story after story became more intriguing to us. We then found a few clips from Indian surrogates that tell their story of why they made the decision to help create a family for those who can not. Our on going research for surrogacy in India continued for several months. We read several newspaper articles, many blogs and spoke with many couples via email from all around the world. We received many positive experiences and several pictures of how the experience was long, but worth every second. The awesome couples that shared their lives with us were finally given the gift from God they were seeking for so many years, a baby.


It was a few months later Kevin and I both agreed that we were going forward with our chosen agency to begin our process of Surrogacy in India. We couldn't wait to begin. One of many questions we had was how were we going to afford the family once he/she gets here. So we both put our resumes out on the Internet to see if we could get bigger and better. And sure enough we did. It was a month into our parent planning when we received a call from a company in San Diego.They found Kevin's resume and reputation to be exceptional. It was three interviews and two months later we had packed up our lives from Redondo Beach to move to San Diego. Having to rearrange our priorities, our family planning had been put on the back burner. We promised each other that when our lives were settled here in San Diego, we would pick up where we left off on becoming parents.

Deciding to Become Parents

It was shortly after we got married that Kevin and I began speaking of starting a family. After several long months of debating, sleepless nights and a string full of emotions, we finally decided that we were ready to become parents. It was March 9, 2010 we had an appointment to see a fertility doctor to discuss our options for IVF. Please keep in mind our health insurance covered nothing pertaining to infertility. Our consultation fee was $250.00. After we were handed a packet of information and prices, the doctor discussed what IFV is and how it works. We were then turned over to a “financial manager” to discuss financial options that “make fertility treatment affordable". Let me tell you what we were not prepared to hear. When we were given the breakdown this is what we got:
For Kevin:
· Semen testing
·Pre-cycle lab work –to check fertility mobility and if any type of infectious disease was present.
·Administration fees
Both Ladies:
·Egg donor and agency fee and program fee
·Gestational carrier (surrogate) and agency fee, and program fee
·Pre-cycle lab work including basic screening lab for infectious diseases etc.
·Culture analysis
·mock cycle
·Administered medication pre and post- retrieval and implantation (depending on any UN for seen issues)
·Local anesthesia for egg retrieval
·Freezing of embryo storage including insurance fee
·Pregnancy monitoring following the first pregnancy test.
At the end of the day we were looking at a totally of $62,000.00-$79,500.00.
Cost varied depended on how many cycles we needed. Let me mention if there are twins or triplets, tack on another $10,000.00 to $15,000.00 to that. If by our third attempt we were unsuccessful, we would need to start the process over again. Yes folks, these figures are a true fact.  Then add in additional cost for every doctor visit the surrogate goes to, vitamins, food(s), medication if needed, leave of work (if pregnancy becomes too much for the surrogate mother), and of course the delivery of the baby(s). Who knows how much more that would be?
An hour later Kevin and I walked out of the clinic with our heads hung low and tears in our eyes. We were just handed the slim fact becoming parents were looking very bleak.

I then spent the next following day researching and reading tons of articles that pertained to adoption. Again, not realizing how much goes into this process. Not only am I referring to the amount of money to adopt, but the emotional and physical aspect is so challenging and frustrating. I was informed that it could take up to seven years for us to receive a baby. There are several screenings Kevin and I would need to go through. Such as thorough background checks for criminal, DMV and government. We would be interviewed. Our family would physically be interviewed. Our employer would be contacted and interviewed. Friends and neighbors interviewed. Once that is clear, we are then able to be become eligible to be accepted" into an adoption agency. Once we are members of an agency, we begin with the process of interviews, paperwork and pictures and videos to keep in our file. Just in hopes that the birth mother will pick us from five other couples as an option. Every state in the U.S.has their own unique legal requirements for the voluntary and involuntary ending of birth parents rights, so there are at approximately 50 different laws for involuntary ending parental rights. After the baby has been born some states allow a birth mother to voluntarily end her rights immediately after the birth and other states allow the ending of these rights only after the passage of 1-3 days, or 15-21 days, 30 days, or more. Depending on the age of the birth mother and the circumstances involved, some states even require a birth mother to appear in court before her parental rights can be ended. Again, every state is different. Each state has its own waiting period. Sometimes the birth parent(s) change their mind.They want to keep the child. Perhaps have a family member help raise the child. Or the birth parents can change the adoptive parents from one to another at the last minute. The idea of knowing what we would possibly be getting into with adoption made us put this choice aside. We couldn’t accept the possibility of falling in love with a baby as we watch his life grow. Only to have that gift of life be taken away from us.To have all the love, hopes and dreams be torn away from us faster then our hearts could take, we cant fathom. The idea our dream of becoming parents isn't at this time worth the risk of loosing hope forever... was just too much. We couldn’t bare the thought. I couldn’t, and still can’t imagine how we would try to find the strength to try it. Knowing that our baby we already loved wouldn’t ever come home with us? What a horrible reality for anyone that may or has had to face. Life has a cruel way of putting twists and turns on such a special thing of becoming parents. Trying to become a pregnant yourself through adoption or through surrogacy, it’s a gift that only God knows when or if it’s right for us.

The Facts of Life

Angela’s story

When I look back at my young life, I can say I knew every aspect of the female anatomy, how it worked and where babies came from by the age of ten. While most girls my age were enjoying their adolescents like, roller skating, having sleepovers and listening to Madonna, I was spending most of my time in the hospital. Yes, I was introduced to the real life of woman hood.
 The problems began at the age ten. I had a dermoid cyst that was wrapped around my right ovary and tube. The doctor couldn't save either, therefore both needed to be removed.  Being that young, I didn’t understand why I was different then other girls. Nor did I understand what it was that was making me so ill.
 Forward nine years later, and my issues had progressively worsened. My left ovary was constantly engulfed in multiple cysts and I had developed endometriosis around the uterus. The Doctors didn’t know how to help relieve the pain. Over a spread of several laparoscopy’s I was put on birth control shots, pills, to pain killers. I soon became what doctors had feared, an addict to Vicodin due to the amount of pain I was constantly in. I was told I would need to go to “pain management” to help assist me “coupe” with my pain. At this time there was nothing any doctor could do for me.

It was June 14, 1998 I was at work swirling around my average hectic day at the office. Suddenly, I doubled over in severe pain. I couldn’t walk. I was rushed to the hospital ER where several tests and “cocktails”, were given to me. That is where my long drawn out story began and ended. The OBGYN on call introduced herself to me and my mother. She then quietly sat beside me, looked down at the hospital’s horrific mountain high medical file on me, then looked back at me. She said “your endometriosis has come back twice as much and your left ovary is again engulfed with cysts. We had a hard time finding the left ovary, but it is there, struggling. Angela I’m going to give you three chooses. One option is to stimulate your ovary using fertility shots to rapidly grow as many follicles as possible to freeze for future pregnancies. Or two, we can put you on a high dose of birth control for six months, take you off and get you pregnant right away. This will help relieve the endometriosis and ovarian cysts’. However, during the pregnancy or delivery, we have a high risk of possibly losing the baby/ or you. Or three, I can and will perform a full hysterectomy for you”.  This is the moment I realized my fate. I wept. Reality, my life, hit me like nothing I’ve ever imagined. I wasn’t ever  to become a mother. There I was, my mother standing next to me, holding my hand, weeping with me. Back then, health insurance didn’t cover the slightest bit of “family planning”. In fact, there wasn’t such a thing back in those days, not like today.  I don’t come from a wealthy background where mom and dad could financially assist me freeze my eggs. Nor did I want to risk neither my child nor my own life to possibly give life. My only choose for a healthy life and future was to have the hysterectomy. I was told I needed a second option because of government/ health insurance policies AND because I didn’t have children. I too needed a psychiatric evaluation to ensure I was mentally stable to deal with my loss.
It was August 11, 1998 around 6:30 in the morning when my pain, suffering and all my hopes all came to an end. My doctor took one last look into my eyes and told me everything will be okay. I was having the full hysterectomy.
When I awoke several hours later, I had three nuns and my mother standing around me. Being a catholic myself and being at a catholic hospital, I asked for daily prayers. I looked at my mom and asked “is it over, Ma?” With tears in her eyes, she said “yes honey, it’s over”. Relief and sadness swept over me. I drifted back into a medicated sleep where my body needed to recovery.
Forward to the present day, it has been a long journey that has lead me through several years of emotions, pain, suffering and now so much relief. I have been pain free, since the surgery. However moving into menopause very quickly at the age of 23 after my surgery wasn’t something any of us expected. I have been on hormone therapy now since September 1998(three weeks after the surgery). It’s been challenging, but each year, medical science is discovering many new ways to help assist women like me cope with hot flashes and mood changes.
As for not being able to share the joys and pain of carrying a child myself, I have faced it all and I have accepted my fate. I wont lie to you. From time to time it saddens me that I will never be able to feel a life grow inside of  me. Nor to feel and experience everything there is to being pregnant. I think the older I’m getting the more difficult it is to bear the pain and tears of motherhood...wondering if it will exist for me. Life is moving forward. Life is creating changes with hopes, dreams and tears.And with every once of my soul,  I can’t help but wonder if or when I will ever be able to love one of my own. I do know that God is good. I do believe there is a reason for everything that happens in ones life. I accept who I am and what is to become of my future. I often pray for strength and I pray for those who have loved and lost like myself. There will be a day that I will become a mother….someday.