Hello my Friends and Family,
Eight Weeks pregnant, it was the 24th
of May, a Wednesday morning when we received our email update from
Anjani. He informed us that, “there is a hematoma (internal bleeding, UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER OF FETUS) present
near the gestational sac.
Heart beat is present; however a hematoma like this can
signify some kind of chromosomal abnormality.
We have to wait until week 12 for testing to rule out
chromosomal abnormalities.
Until then, we will be checking every week and keep you
updated about the progress.”
As you can imagine, we were beside ourselves. How in the
world did this happen…why….what does this mean….it goes ON..AND
ON…AND ON….
Of course we emailed
Dr.Samit right away. We asked the questions without being to forward or
rude…given the circumstance of our emotions. “The update from Anjani yesterday
brings about a lot of questions. We are very scared and worried now and
trying to figure out what all of this means. When you refer to a chromosomal
abnormality, are you just referring to the higher chances of a miscarriage or
actually having a child with birth defects?
In the cases that you have done before, what is the
percentage that everything turns out okay?
What can we expect to see in the next ultra sounds?
Are there signs that would say that things are getting better, like the
hematoma is getting smaller or not even there anymore?
As for the surrogate, is there anything that she will be
doing now that this situation is happening? Will she be at your clinic
now or is she still at her own home? Can we ask you what your
instructions to her are now?
We can’t do anything at this point…nothing. At this point
there isn’t anything we can do except to wait for the next ultrasound….on the
side line loosing all sanity that we both have together.
Dr.Samit the awesome man he is responded back to us
immediately,
“The surrogate has
been at the clinic premises under nursing and doctor care since the embryo
transfer.
The Hematoma usually suggests that a Chromosomal abnormality
might be clearly established as the pregnancy keeps on progressing, this may
happens in 50 % of the cases and the remaining 50% of the cases the hematoma
might resolve completely and the pregnancy proceed uneventful.
- However this can only be known by week 12 by
checking for double test to rule out ***Trisomy 18**** (which is a relatively common syndrome. It is three times
more common in girls than boys. The syndrome is caused by the presence of
extra material from chromosome 18. The extra material interferes with
normal development). *** www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov**
- To also test for ***Trisomy 21*** (Down syndrome is a genetic condition in which a
person has 47 chromosomes instead of the usual 46. Down syndrome symptoms
vary from person to person and can range from mild to severe. However,
children with Down syndrome have a widely recognized appearance). *** www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov**
- To also test the ***Nuchal Fold Thickness**** (A nuchal scan is a sonographic prenatal screening scan (ultrasound) to help identify higher risks of chromosomal defects including Down’s in a fetus, particularly for older women
who have higher risks of such pregnancies. High thickness measurements are
also associated with congenital heart defect. The scan is carried out at 11–13.6 weeks pregnancy and assesses
the thickness of soft tissues of the nape of neck of the fetus. There are
two distinct measurements -- the nuchal translucency, which is measured
earlier in pregnancy at the end of the first trimester, and for which
there is a lower threshold for increased diameter, and the nuchal fold,
which is measured towards the end of the second trimester. Fetuses at risk
of Down's syndrome tend to have a higher amount of fluid around the neck.
The scan may also help confirm both the accuracy of the pregnancy dates
and the fetal viability. Its high definition imaging may also detect other
less common chromosomal abnormalities. ***Wikipedia***
The surrogate is taking rest and has been put on a steroid
course; this has been shown to help in resolution of the hematoma in the past.
We will keep you updated on the next scan.
Fingers crossed”.
Okay….seriously…are you friggin kidding me??? Again we wait.
Cry everyday, cant sleep; don’t eat….just….be…
Our case worker, Alexis Thomas here in the states had sent
us a very nice email, “Sending positive thoughts
you way! Please let me know if you need anything.” I totally love her to
pieces. She truly is an incredible woman that has many talents…including being
a friend, sounding board and our wire between us to India
In the mean time, we are getting
emails sent to us from “BABY CENTER.COM” (I highly recommend you check out and become a member of
this website…when you become pregnant. and you will it is so easy and convenient
to have)!!! To phone calls, emails from family via face book messages, messages
from our blog. Yes, I do the majority of our correspondents and yes, I did get
your message, however I just couldn’t allow the words pass me lips in order to
answer you or update our blog…honestly.
Week nine, June 1st
goes by….same progress.
Week ten, Friday, June 8th, we
received this email from Anjani, “Dr Samit dictated this email to me.
“The scan was done today and is attached; the hematoma is
increasing in size.
The heart beat was seen with great difficulty and the heart
rate has slowed down, it is now between 50 to 80 beats per minute.
This is nature’s way of preventing continuation of a
pregnancy which can result in birth of a child with special challenges, at this
moment there is nothing we can do to prevent a spontaneous miscarriage apart
from providing luteal phase support. It does not seem like this pregnancy will
continue. We will repeat the scan again on Monday and update you.
We are sad for this turn of events and so is the surrogate
mother”.
Last Picture of our miracle:
This is something that I never thought we would have to live
through.
I thought, “Oh my
goodness. I have had to live through so much emotional and physical pain…what?
All the natural motherhood taken from me, why in the hell is this happening”? I
was so beside myself. At this time, my mother, sister and friends were calling
me to get an update….I didn’t answer my phone nor my emails (iPhone, everything
is sent to me)! I will tell you that
this was the hardest thing for me to ever endure. I was barely able to get
through the work day. The weekend, I slept..cried..was sick to my stomach, both Saturday and Sunday. O’gosh, it
was so hard to breath. Every second I was awake I shook with uncontrollable. Emotion
ripped through ever ounce of goodness from my heart. I had several anxiety attacks. There was so
much pain like I never had imagined. I cried, so, so much. My goodness did I cry like I never cried. I
felt damaged and useless. Kevin and I barely did anything this weekend. We
slept and cried, while the rest of life was moving forward.
We were so beside ourselves; all we could do was sleep and
email our Dr. Samit, “We can't begin to explain how devastated we are. Having
the internet to do research can be a helpful, hopeful and horrible thing to
have.
What are our next steps?
What should we be expecting? What
do you plan to do over the next couple of weeks?
We really want to fight for our baby. Please help us.
Our family and friends wanted an update on Pea Pod. I can’t do it…I tried three times. I can’t.
Those who stay near and dear to me I did lean on. One of my bride’s maids asked
me what was going on. I finally spoke to Jenna (the first person I spoke to
pertaining to the situation). I informed her of what was happening. God knows
that I love her to pieces, and I don’t know what I’d do with out her??? She
responded back to me that she was so, so sorry for our loss. She is here for me
when ever I need her. We went back and forth between emails. “She is very
religious which helps me accept and acknowledge the situation at hand. Whatever
our child deformation might have been, GOD took her back for a reason. It was
to spare our child from physical and mental pain, as we’ll as our suffering
between Kevin and me.
Much to my dismay the last week slowly but surely has been a
haze.
My prior week, one of my horrid week of pain I didn’t know
which side was up or down.
June 11th, Monday morning..this is
what we woke up to, “We repeated the scan today and there was no heart beat
found in the fetus.
We have 2 embryos left and we also have sperm samples.
Please suggest how you wish to move ahead.”
Even reading all of this now makes my heart hurt so, so
much. My sister told me to demand GOD to
explain why, AND my purpose in life. Why do
I not have child??? I’ve done right (well…almost right) by God’s rules, the
law, and human nature.
I can’t explain the words, pain and sorrow that I alone was
feeling..and Kevin. We discussed our situation twice. We both strongly agreed
that if Pea Pod had been diagnose as deformed or Down syndrome, we would of
stuck to our pregnancy. What God’s will is Good’s will?
If I (and Kevin of
course) were meant to raise a “special needs”, child…then so is it. I think all
children are and should be loved
equally, in my heart it praises so!
My goodness, I can not express to you how much pain it is to
go through this. However like my sister
Crystal and my dear friend Jacquie preached to me,” if the pregnancy was to
carry to full term, it would be such a bigger heart ache burying the child that
almost or did survive to term. The realty hit me when I had coffee with my good
friend Jaquie. She was the Angel that I asked God to answer my prayers. Me, nor
any of us( going through the same struggle) fathom the reason why these turn of
events happen.
After much emotional and physical worn shut me down, Kevin
asked me what do I want to do? I told him I didn’t know if I could take another
heartbreak like this, “Please lets contact an adoption agency”.
His reply back was that since we have already paid for the
third attempt, why not try? I know her wants a child of his own genes. I just
don’t know if God’s well is to have us doing Surrogacy or adoption? Since I am
the one that is damaged (so I believe), I agreed to our third attempt.
June 12TH, per Dr. Samit,
“Kevin and Angela,
Random chromosomal abnormalities occur in about 15 to 20% of
all iVF/surrogacy cases (GO FIGURE WE FALL INTO THIS PERCENTILE….REALLY?) and
end up in a spontaneous miscarriage before 12 weeks. This is nature’s way of
not allowing the birth of a new born with significant physical and mental
dysfunction.
You have two embryos that can be transferred. The third
embryo is extremely poor quality and we will not transfer that.
I think we should transfer the remaining two embryos; they
have a 205 chance of pregnancy, so I would definitely transfer those and then
think of shifting to a new donor.
At our clinic we treat every single case on an individual
basis, so you have our full attention at all times.
Let me know, I can do a transfer with the remaining two
embryos by end of the month.
Regards
Dr Samit Sekhar
Program Director- IVF & Surrogacy
Can I please explain to you if you haven’t already come to
the conclusion? KIC…Dr.Samit, Anjani, staff and Alexis are so super great.
Every time I flip on face book, KIC, or international events, KIC is
there..making head liners!!!
I will admit that there were two times where I thought we
were just a number and a dollar figure to KIC. Then out of the blue one, two or
three comfort my worries, pain and sorrow all at once.
As of last Wednesday Kevin and I agreed to transfer the last
two valuable embryos that we have on ice.
Dr.Samit respond to us
” Kevin and Angela,
We will start preparing for a transfer by month end. I will
update you again at the time of transfer”.
I’m not going to lie to you. At this point I am so
completely dull of tears (I think), tiredness, exhaustion, fear and worry that
I don’t feel anything. ANYTHING!!!
Is it bad of me to expect the worse at this point?
Look, I believe I was put on this earth to be a mom…a damn
great mom. Having difficulty getting there is mighty discouraging. So, we are
waiting…praying…physically begging God to allow us to be parents…soon.
I know this may be a lot of us to ask…but please..please
pray for our next transfer..our child, our future.
Please know that I have made it through the hard stage.
Please, by all means, ask me if you have any questions. If you have something
to add to this email, please share. Ever ounce knowledge helps another. I’m
sure existing and future Intended parents want to know all about what
I….You…US, may have to speak about.
Thanks again for all your love, support and following.
We will update you when we have our third attempt results.
Bare with me and the time frame though, okay?!?!
Until then my friends, please share your love, support and story to all of us who can relate or are there for you in need of joy or pain.
Be well and blessed future upon you!!
Love Kevin and Angela
