A New Day

I had met Kevin, now my husband five years ago. We have been married two and a half awesome years. It’s a funny story how we met. I tell you no lie when I say” we met in a bar while standing in line for the bathroom, yes a bar. Now I know what you’re thinking. No, it wasn’t that kind of night. He said” Damn”, I said “WOW” and we’ve been together ever since.
In the very beginning of our relationship I was very honest with Kevin.  I explained to him that I couldn’t bare children. He of course asked his idol, his father what he thought about me not being able to bare a child. His father asked him many questions, including, do you love her and will you be able to except possibly adopting in the future. After several and several seconds later, Kevin said yes to both questions. His father then replied, then what difference does it matter if she can have a kid or not? You see, when I was told this conversation a few days later, I felt as though Kevin needed reassurance from his father that this was acceptable, that I was acceptable to be apart of Kevin and his family’s life. I look back at that now and know that wasn’t the case. I assumed that everyone knew that there are thousands of women around the world, like me, infertile. I assumed with today’s modern technology,science and our rapid growing society, most or almost near everyone on earth knew about surrogacy, IVF, egg/sprem donors. WOW, was I wrong! So then I had to take a step back and reassess me and Kevin's communication of this matter. After spending numerous nights and months surfing the web, I found that most men and women in general do not understand the female reproductive system. So, then you add a woman (like me) being infertile and well, I lost everyone at “hello”.  Needless to say, I quickly realized that not only do I need to eduacate my future husband about infertility, but it was I that needed to accept the fact that I am who I am. I need to know that someone will love me for my love, life, laughter and great memories in between..it's what that I can give. It was my insecurities and self doubt that forced me to always believe that I was defective, less of a woman, that I couldn’t measure up to any mother or soon to be mother in this world. After many years I can honestly say that I have accepted myself. I accept the fate that has been given to me. I thank God everyday for what has been given to me in this lifetime. With many fustrating days and nights I spent wondering if I was going to ever become a mother, I look beside me and see Kevin standing there, holding my hand. His reassurance that our love and knowledge of becoming parents will soon be near. When I do have those days that I feel down or sad, Kevin and I talk about it. Kevin did accept me and loves me more with each growing day. His strength and positive attitude reminds me to keep beliving. One day, we will be parents.